DOJ

Breaking News: DOJ Arrests Obama Official

Seth Andrew is learning a harsh ethics lesson now, taught by the DOJ. The senior adviser to Barack Obama’s secretary of Education worked directly with Barry Soetoro himself, as a senior advisor in the White House Office of Educational Technology. Andrew just got busted ripping off school children. You won’t hear a word about the scandal on CBS because he’s married to their talking head, Lana Zak.

Schooled by the DOJ

The Department of Justice decided to teach Seth Andrew a lesson or two. On Tuesday, according to a quietly released press statement, federal DOJ agents swooped in and “arrested former Obama White House advisor Seth Andrew.”

They put him in cuffs and dragged him away for the horrific crime of (allegedly) “stealing hundreds of thousands of dollars from a charter school network he founded.”

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The thieving Democrat is going to learn all about lawyers and the prison system too. The DOJ press notice spells out that he’s looking at charges of wire fraud, money laundering, and making false statements to a financial institution.

That’s what happens when you get caught ripping $218,005 off from your “network of charter schools.” You gotta love the feds for being precise. They had to include every penny, down to the last five bucks.

“As alleged,” the DOJ writes, “Seth Andrew abused his position as a founder of a charter school network to steal from the very same schools he helped create.”

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Manhattan U.S. Attorney Audrey Strauss explains what he used the money for. “Andrew is not only alleged to have stolen the schools’ money but also to have used the stolen funds to obtain a savings on a mortgage for a multimillion-dollar Manhattan apartment.”

FBI still on the job

With deplorables hammering the DOJ from every side, wondering why the Federal Bureau of Instigation can only manage to investigate two things, Trump and Russia, they decided they better bust a Democrat for a change.

Christopher Wray has been in hiding so long everyone wonders if the FBI is still on the job or if they’ve all been co-opted into rounding up anyone who set foot in the District of Columbia on January 6. “Thanks to the FBI’s diligent work, Andrew now faces federal charges for his alleged scheme.” Better him than them.

FBI Assistant Director William F. Sweeney Jr. oozed up out of the swamp to say a few words on behalf of the DOJ. “Locking into the lowest interest rate when applying for a loan is certainly the objective of every home buyer, but when you don’t have the necessary funds to put down, and you steal the money from your former employer to make up the difference, saving money in interest is likely to be the least of your concerns.”

Seth Andrew’s big concern is who his new bunkmate will be. He really hopes not to get someone with the nickname “tiny.”

Sweeney couldn’t help rubbing it in when he got up in front of the Palace press corps. “Andrew did just that, and since the employer he stole from was a charter school organization, the money he took belonged to an institution serving school-aged children.”

That’s not nice and the DOJ frowns on behavior like that. “Today Andrew himself is learning one of life’s most basic lessons – what doesn’t belong to you is not yours for the taking.” Now if someone could only explain that to Imperial Leader Joe Biden.

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