Breaking News: Biden Family Member Forced to Go to Rehab

Another Biden family member is being forced off to rehab and this time it isn’t Hunter Biden. Imperial canine “Major” is being sent for domestic violence reprogramming after “an incident involving a security officer.”

Rehab prompted by attack

It appears that Major is having a hard time psychologically getting adjusted to life in the Imperial Palace. All those security guards are making him nervous. He had an emotional meltdown recently and “bit a security officer.”

That’s a big violation in today’s politically correct world so it’s off to rehab for indoctrination in the way Democrats like to do things.


Immediately after the attack, Major was placed on house arrest at “the Biden’s private home in Delaware.” He was a shelter dog before the Biden’s got him and they didn’t want him being sent back to the stir as a repeat offender, so the family opted for rehab therapy.

“Look, Major was a rescue pup. Major did not bite someone and penetrate the skin,” His Wisdom argued. Apparently lack of “penetration” is a common Biden family defense.

Apparently, Major is a racist. His German roots are showing and that’s the real reason for the rehab. “I guess what surprised me is the White House itself, living there. Every door you turn to, there’s a guy there in a black jacket.”


Major doesn’t like Black. Not only that, Imperial Leader Biden insists, “Major overreacted because of being surrounded by strangers.”

Downplay the incident

The official Palace spokesunit, Jen Psaki, was quick to get in front of the cameras and defend the dog’s attack. A quick course in rehab and he’ll be back working with Joe, just like Hunter did.

“Major was surprised by an unfamiliar person and reacted in a way that resulted in a minor injury to the individual, which was handled by the White House Medical Unit with no further treatment needed.”

Of course, the tinfoil hat types are pointing out that if Major didn’t break the skin then there wouldn’t be any injury to treat.

Still he can get away with a trip to rehab and a slap on the paw because at least his rabies shots are up to date.

According to Imperial Leader Joe Biden himself, they were able to trick Major into rehab without him realizing what they were doing. With the family they have, they’re getting fairly good at the technique by now. Major’s trip to the family home was all pre-planned.

“He was going home. I didn’t banish him to home. Jill was gonna be away for four days. I was gonna be away for two so we took him home.” As soon as they were down the driveway, the shock collars came out and the re-education began. He’ll be whining to the the tunes of “the great Ludwig Von Beethoven” by the time they pick him up.


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