Joe Biden finally worked time in between bowls of ice cream to fit in his physical. For an 80-year-old geezer, Joe seems pretty fit. As to his mental acuity, well, he wasn’t tested for that. Half of America says that’s because he’d flunk.
Biden passes physical
The long awaited “official” report on Joe Biden’s physical fitness was released Thursday afternoon. As expected, it reveals that he’s “healthy” and “vigorous” enough to wave his magic pen or give a speech.
Joe showed up for his appointment on schedule, that morning, at Walter Reed National Military Medical Center. It took a while for the paperwork to unwind but it was released hot off the laser printer.
Biden saw his regular primary care doctor. He’s been followed by Dr. Kevin O’Connor since 2009. The report summary notes “the most notable update from Biden’s last physical in November 2021 was his coronavirus infection over the summer.” It was, as expected, the flu. Joe doesn’t show any signs at all of “long COVID.”
President Joe Biden remains “healthy” and “vigorous,” his physician reported after a routine physical https://t.co/Qougb9A0HM
— CNN (@CNN) February 16, 2023
He does, however have persistent skin cancer. Every year he gets a good once over and this time they noticed “one small lesion.” The good doctor snipped it off right there on the spot, stuck it in a jar, marked it “classified” and sent it in for the “traditional biopsy.” Results, the report notes, are pending.
After all, he was a life guard at the local pool back when he went after Corn Pop with a chain. He’s not that spry at this year’s exam, but did remind the doctor he “spent a ‘good deal of time‘ in the sun when he was young.” He also had “several non-melanoma skin cancers removed” in prior treatments.
Joe acknowledges that he’s “faced repeated questions about his physical and mental fitness.” He continues to insist his body is just fine. He may occasionally get lost on his way off stage or babble meaninglessly but he’s not ready to fall over from a coronary. Despite his elevated calcium intake from all that ice cream he shovels in.
President Joe Biden, 80, has been declared "fit for duty" after having his physical exam. https://t.co/HpzA8esvDX pic.twitter.com/wk9vh4TNgx
— NEWSMAX (@NEWSMAX) February 17, 2023
Running in 2024
Joe Felt so great after his physical that he actually jogged back the office when he got off the chopper. He had been through an “extremely detailed neurologic exam” that “did not find any signs of neurological disorders such as stroke, multiple sclerosis or Parkinson’s disease.”
He should make it long enough to annoy voters again in 2024.
Democrats are banking on one of his “minor medical conditions” to save them embarrassment of putting him through a primary. The physical noted things like “non-valvular atrial fibrillation,” which is a “common type of irregular heartbeat.”
Joe Biden was LOST today trying to read off the teleprompter. He couldn’t even say “Washington” correctly. He MUST have a cognitive exam during his next physical. Something is NOT RIGHT with him!!pic.twitter.com/hS4AWGexjB
— Ronny Jackson (@RonnyJacksonTX) February 15, 2023
He also has high cholesterol from all the ice cream and gastroesophageal reflux from the guar and xanthum gums in the ice cream. Rounding out the list are seasonal allergies, spinal arthritis and mild sensory peripheral neuropathy of the feet.
Like every other patriotic American, His Imperial Wisdom takes drugs. The pharmacy giants have Joe hooked on “three common prescription medications and two common over-the-counter medications.”
The prescriptions were renewed at the physical. Conservatives are calling for all politicians, not just Joe Biden, to under go a “mandatory mental competency test” every year over age 75. Donald Trump took one and passed his with flying colors, it makes everyone wonder why Joe hasn’t done the same to rub it in everyone’s faces.
